I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
