i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize