I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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