Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
