I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize