I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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