Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we're so committed to being not committed
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