So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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