My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
