I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
