I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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