apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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