I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
