I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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