This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
