Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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