I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
