Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
