just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
