Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
