So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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