I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
someone threw a dead crab at me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize