Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
