Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
