she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
