Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
