rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
