I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
