why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
