I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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