speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
