No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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