So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
