Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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