i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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