The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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