I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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