you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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