I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
