i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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