just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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