My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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