the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
