I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
