wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
