Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
