Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
high people should be assigned attendants
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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