I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
