I think my vagina is haunted
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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