It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize