yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
