JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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