I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
