Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize