My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
