Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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