I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
