The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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