you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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