you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize