My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
