I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
