If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
