yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize