the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
