he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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