I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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