Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize