She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
